Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
