def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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