I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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