Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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