Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
