I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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