Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
no, he came in my armpit
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
