i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Randomize
