At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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