Where are you?
In a non slutty way
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
