Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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