That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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