can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
