i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
