I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
