he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
