woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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