Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
