my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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