I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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