U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
