that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My bed smells like the plague
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
