Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
