I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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