I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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