awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
