If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
