Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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