the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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