if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
