Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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