Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
