mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
