apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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