Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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