I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
