did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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