You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
