he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
