I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
