I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congratulations! We have a period
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
