You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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