my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
