i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
