I am spending my child support on dildos
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
