im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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