The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
