bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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