You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
