if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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