I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
