I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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